home early today. I didn't do anything I planned on doing when I got home, just as I expected.

I've been really down lately. fuckker, what's wrong with me? so I realized I have to keep my mouth shut and keep my feelings to myself so I stay out of trouble and to avoid anymore arguments, especially with the boyfriend. eh whatever. all I ever get out of saying how I feel are arguments, so I should've kept my mouth shut way sooner than this.

school makes me sick. chemistry makes me feel like such an ass. I'm finally doing better and not feeling like such a dunce in algebra II and trig. class but I'm slipping in most of my other classes.  I miss sophomore year damnit. exams are in two weeks and my french exams start friday. I fucked up big time in french during 2nd quarter. *SIGH* I'm so disappointed in myself. whatever. "learn from your mistakes."

MARYBETH is envious of the little sophomore whose boyfriend spoils her rotten. you're a lucky little miss. whatever man, it's the simple things in life we forget. *yea, keep telling yourself that mb. hahahaha*

so of course, '05 was off to a bittersweet start. right now I'm in the middle of feeling cheesy-happy and depressed. after last night, I didn't expect to be happy today.  *BIG SIGH*

made unexpected, practically spontaneous, plans with frankie to hang out today. he went with my family and I to church, eating at friday's, and jersey gardens. I was so damn happy to be with him, but part of me was still thinking about last night. t'was a good day, indeed. I just wish everyday could feel as nice as today did.

nothing was worse than realizing that you were trying to a change who a person was. romance and sappy things aren't the glue that holds two people together. I can't change who you are, and I can't really change who I am either. we're complete opposites, but there's still something holding us together. I guess I'm always going to be that cliche hopeless romantic, and you'll always be you. I can't ask for it any other way. I love you.

blah. school tomorrow, guys.
edit. I swear, this layout was not supposed to be sappy. ah, ohwell..

2004 was bittersweet, to say the least. the only good times I can actually recall of was the second semester of sophomore year. I loved it. I had nothing to stress about. I made it to the one year mark with my baby and we're still going strong through all the fighting and the bullshit. (almost two years now .. whoooa.) summer was just crazy. august? lorddie, my seastars know what I'm talking about. junior year came and smacked me in the face. I've dealt with so many ups and downs in a short amount of time but I'm learning how to deal. my sixteenth birthday wasn't exactly the sweetest. I guess '04 was just packed with a bunch of learning experiences / life lessons. I found an extremely overly emotional side of me that I kind of wish I never discovered but it's all good I suppose. I dunno. I guess all I can do is hope for a better new year right? <think optimistically.>

yeeea, so here's a happy 2005 to you all.

2006 is just one year away.  ohhdamn

- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- -

I haven't actually thought of any resolutions but yea, I'd love to -
   1. lose weight 
   [I'm getting there but anorexia isn't always the answer. lol jk]
   2. do better in school
       - get at least 2nd honors
       - actually pay attention in algebra II/trig with z-unit
       - stop being so damn lazy
   3. stop being such a bitch haha
   4. get a job
   5. stop being so dependent on people
   [especially the boyfriend]
   6. spend more time with my siblings
   7. grow up
   [hah, yeah physically too.]
   8. lose that spoiled, selfish princess attitude

hah. looks like I've got my work cut out for me.
I'm so not ready for this.

edit. grr, don't mind this shit. I'm working on it.